Well I'm sat here, calm in my own home again. I'm waiting for a doctors appointment in an hour, to have a mole under my hair removed. I'm not looking forward to it, it wasn't my idea, but better safe than sorry and all that.

I have learned a lot about myself over the weekend, and my opinion of myself has gone through the floor. Honestly Ian Huntley probably feels better about himself. Its been staring me in the face for ages now, but I guess the penny never dropped over how wrong I have been recently. I really hate myself at the moment, and its entirely my fault.

This is turning into a messy ramble. I am sorry, I really am but my head is a mess at the moment. I feel like withdrawing from the world for a while, becoming an island. It won't happen of course but it seems like a good idea.

I have calmed down since Sunday, and I hope she has as well. The row, which turned into an interrogation lasted all night. Not that I didn't deserve it. She said things which made me think about how my mind works. And it isn't pretty when I think about it. I am rotten essentially. And I don't want anyone saying otherwise, I need some time to think about my mistakes.

Maybe she did overdo it. Maybe some of it was just raw anger. I need to give it some thought. Maybe a week say. Yes. I'll post back then.